


Rhubarb

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:49:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has an epiphany</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rhubarb

## Rhubarb

by GeoFin

Author's webpage: <http://hey.to/GeoFin>

* * *

The channel was changed again and Blair found himself checking his watch before looking down at the large book in his lap. 

It was perhaps 'too' much distraction but . . . better than none. Hearing the door open then slam as the usual routine was done he paused to take note of it. The grunts caused him to smile as things didn't seem to go as smoothly as one might have hoped. 

The glass was drank from and he tried not to smile as the heavy weight sat beside him in anger. 

Glancing at the TV, his outrage surfaced as the remote was taken from him. 

"Hey, what the hell . . ." 

Changing the channel, Jim grumbled, "if you had the evening 'I' just had you'd be the great person that you are and not bother me right now." 

Trying not to laugh, Blair went back to writing in the book carefully as he adjusted his glasses. 

"Didn't go well?" 

The groan was almost a scream, "I don't 'get' women. God!" Jim stood from the couch and the fridge was soon opened as he looked through it, "god has to be a woman, and if she is," he frowned, "why does she have to make the rest of the female sex so damn annoying and confusing?" 

Blair smiled, "maybe you should have . . . talked." 

"Ah, fuck it," Jim groaned as he sat down again to open the can and pour into the glass, "I'm 'really' starting to see the beauty of celibacy." 

Trying not to laugh, Blair found the remote and pointed, "you're sitting on the remote man." 

"Just take it, god." 

There was a sigh before the remote was retrieved and Blair changed the channel back to the previous program. 

"I was kinda watching something," Blair smiled, "and your 'woman' crisis isn't really something that excuses you just . . . turning it off." 

Sitting back while holding the glass up to the light, Jim's suspicion grew. 

"What is this crap?" 

Blair didn't bother to look, "it's all natural, don't worry about it." 

"Worry about it?" Jim sat up and unbuttoned his shirt, "the only reason I'm even 'drinking' it is because it was in a 'can'," he smiled, "meaning that the food and drug admin. got to it before 'you' did." 

The laugh was soft and mocking, "yeah, 'real' funny." Blair adjusted his glasses as he went back to work, "could you keep it down? I'm really into something." 

Drinking as he sat up to put his elbows on his knees, Jim watched the program and shrugged. 

"What is this, the discovery channel?" 

"You could say that," Blair paused to look at the TV and smiled, "it's pretty interesting." he gave Jim a small smirk, "are you too 'traumatized' to watch with me?" 

Jim groaned as he sat back, "will you help me out here or what?" 

"What's there to help about?" Blair laughed, "you're asking the 'wrong' guy about women." Blair was sitting with his legs crossed as he wrote quickly, "if you think celibacy will help, then go for it." 

Sighing in defeat, Jim tried to look over Blair's shoulder to the book. 

"What you got there anyway?" 

"You wouldn't be interested." 

There wasn't a response and Blair looked to see that he was watched only to shrug guiltily. 

"What?" 

"You know, if you 'talk'," Jim sighed, "then I will mostly 'figure' it out after my 'ity bity brain' gets oh, I don't know, fifty solid hours to compute it all." 

Trying to laugh, Blair shrugged, "sorry just . . . I know you wouldn't be interested." 

Jim sat back and shrugged, "give me a try." 

"No, that's ok." 

Watching Blair as he looked to the TV again, Jim groaned and snatched the remote to turn the program off and toss the remote aside. 

"Hey, Jim man what the fuck is that about?" 

"Oh nothing," Jim sighed and held the glass out, "this isn't so bad, what is it?" 

Blair tried not to smile, "nothing," he wrote carefully, "you are 'really' a creature of habit, you know that?" 

"I thought we all were professor." 

"Oh no," Blair smiled as he bite the tip of the pencil then wrote carefully, "you . . . I could map a whole day out to you and 'everything' you did this morning." 

Jim laughed, "look who's talking." 

"What does that mean?" 

"Nothing, nothing," Jim sighed as he sat back then smiled, "give me an example." 

"An example," obvious intrigued, Blair sat up and gave it some thought, "just . . . when you get home, daily routine, especially after a date." 

Jim sighed, "that's not an example." 

"Alright, an example," Blair smiled, "I bet you started to grind your teeth when she got 'quiet'." 

After giving it some thought, Jim laughed, "that might be true, but . . . come on, you can do better than that." 

"Right, better than that," Blair shrugged, "you sniffed her hand before you kissed it." 

Jim's laughter echoed and Blair nodded as he wrote. 

"Fine, don't believe me." 

The smile was unseen as Blair became engrossed into his work again. 

"What, you spy on me?" 

"Nah, nothing like that." Blair shrugged, "I just notice habits you have like . . . constantly." he laughed, "brushing in 'perfect' arranged 'time' frame and strokes." 

He tried to laugh but frowned and looked to Jim when there wasn't an answer. 

"What?" 

Jim gave it some thought, "that I don't believe." 

"Fine," Blair smiled, "but I 'time' myself to you, trust me." he shrugged, "you've been getting pretty regular with these dates." 

Jim's insult was clear, "what does that mean?" 

"Nothing, nothing," Blair looked around for the remote, for 'any' distraction before sighing and going back to work. He felt the eyes on him and sat up to groan, "man what?" 

"Nothing," Jim gave it some thought as he stared at the coffee table, "no, seriously, what does that mean?" 

"Nothing," Blair smiled, "you just have a time frame." he laughed, "I don't think she's the one with the problem." 

The book was taken and tossed onto the table as Jim sat up. 

"Hey Jim man what the fuck . . ." 

"No, one sec," Jim watched him carefully, "what the hell's going on?" 

Reaching for the book, Blair found a hand over his chest and sighed. 

"Get out of my way, I was busy and doing 'fine' until you felt the need to ruin your date and come home bitching about it." 

At Jim's obvious hurt, Blair frowned and finally was allowed to get the book as Jim stood and walked away. 

Watching him for some time, Blair sighed and stood to get the remote to turn the TV back on and sit down to write in the book carefully. 

It was perhaps meant to be a refreshing shower and he sat back as he listened to it while frowning. It was a groan of annoyance with himself and he sighed before trying to keep busy again. 

He shrugged when he was still left in peace, it was better than being questioned. 

* * *

Blair took his glasses off to rub his eyes as he yawned and placed the book onto the table. He was rubbing his face when he was sat beside again. 

"What did you mean . . . I mean," Jim looked to him in anger, "I didn't ruin my date." 

There was a sigh as Blair looked at the table, "Jim, I really don't know what your problem is," he looked to Jim finally, "but you're starting to be mine." 

" . . ." about to raise his voice, Jim frowned and leaned back to fold his arms, "I don't get why you're so pissed at nothing." 

"I'm not pissed at anything," Blair groaned, "I'm gonna go shower, later." 

The snort was low, "why are you telling me? What you want me to join you?" Jim tried to laugh then coughed and bit his lips as he stared ahead of himself, "sorry, I've just been really stressed lately." 

Blair stood and yawned, "gee, after getting laid so often, one would 'assume' you'd be anything 'but' stressed." 

"Hey," Jim's hurt was clear, "get off my back alright Chief? Cuz I don't know what your problem is but you . . ." Jim snorted as he stared at the table, "are the one being antagonistic." 

"Antagonistic?" Blair laughed, "yeah, right," he sighed, "you . . . shit, I've 'barely' seen you lately. Thing about you Jim, you get a date, you get a new girlfriend and it's like . . . you're on 'vacation' you come home to shower, you go to work, and 'all' I hear is 'she's so great'." he sneered in disgust, "I don't know where this testosterone bullshit's coming from but 'I', I Blair Sandburg am "sick" of being your fucking shrink." 

"Hey," Jim stood, "great fucking guide, I have a problem and before you 'think' that I might need help, suddenly it's 'my' fault." 

Blair watched Jim's chest as he frowned, "stop using your senses as an excuse." 

"No, you start opening your eyes." Jim groaned and placed his index and middle finger on his own brow to push in annoyance, "do you have 'any' idea how hard it is to find a woman that doesn't 'bathe' in perfume much less 'close' her damn mouth when she eats?" he paused to clam his own breathing as he frowned, "you're supposed to be here to help me Chief, not 'criticize' every fucking thing I do." 

Still staring at the firm chest, Blair shrugged as he backed away while raising his hands at a loss. 

"I'm gonna take a shower, ok, so . . . whatever." 

Watching him go, Jim groaned as he sat and looked around before knocking the book off and wincing when it made a thud on the ground. 

"Fuck, too early." 

Blair's voice carried, "what?" 

"Nothing," Jim sighed and sat back to close his eyes, "nothing, just . . . don't worry about it." 

There was a groan before the door closed and Jim leaned his head back to close his eyes and exhale. 

He smiled and looked up while thinking, 'I'm a creature of habit?' he almost laughed, 'which is it . . . oh,' he shrugged, 'there goes the shirt.' he nodded and frowned, 'dammit does it take much out of you to use the damn clothes hamper?' he sighed in defeat and tried to smile as he listened carefully almost to laugh, 'posing in front of the mirror, again?' he turned to watch the bathroom door and gave it some thought, 'what are you doing in there? Don't suppose x-ray vision is written in the stars for me huh?' 

There was a shrug as he made an arch with his lips and sat back to close his eyes and relax again. He exhaled and smiled, 'ooh, lovely choice for soap this evening.' he paused to sit up and look around to talk to himself, "what the 'fuck' am I doing?" 

His tone was scolding and he stood to look around before retiring. 

* * *

The door slamming caused Blair to flinch and he looked at the couch beside himself as the flowers landed. 

"Well, those are for you." 

Blair smiled, "you got me flowers?" 

"No," Jim groaned and opened the fridge, "she didn't want them." 

Frowning as he placed the flowers on the table, Blair shrugged. 

"What did you do this time?" 

"I didn't do anything," Jim sighed, "we wanted to get our groove on and I sorta threw up." the loud laugh caused him to look to Blair with malice, "it's not funny." 

"Sorry," Blair rubbed his brow as he exhaled, "hey, no, it's not funny." he tried not to laugh as he wrote carefully, "sorry to hear about that." 

"Sorry to hear about that?" Jim turned to him slowly while frowning in betrayal, "I just had the worst fucking date, hell, potentially the 'worst' fucking date of my existence and all you can say is 'sorry'?" 

Blair sighed and tried not to groan as he went back to work, "what did you want me to say?" 

"How about you try helping me figure out 'what' the fuck is going on with me?" 

"There's nothing 'going on' with you." Blair shrugged, "you just didn't want to date her." 

"Oh come on," a bag of chips was opened and Jim ate while smiling, "she was hot, I mean," he laughed, "you know, like 'Wayne's world' shwing." 

The book being slammed down caused him to freeze. 

"You know," Blair shrugged as he smiled bitterly, "I'm just a 'little' sick and tired of hearing about 'her', or any other 'shwings', back off, alright." 

Watching him for some time, Jim laughed and walked toward him. 

"You're jealous?" 

"I'm not jealous." 

"Yes you are," sitting with a small smile, Jim sniffed Blair carefully, "it's like smelling fear, I can smell that too." 

Blair turned to him defensively, "back off." 

"Hey, just relax." Jim sighed and sat back to eat as he shrugged, "if you want . . . maybe she can find you a girl, you've been flying solo for awhile now." he laughed then paused to close his mouth slowly as Blair turned to him. 

"What?" 

"Oh come Chief, I just . . . mean 'overall'," Jim sighed as he sat up and shrugged, "you've just been 'sitting' here for . . . god knows how many fucking weeks," he sighed, "I'm just saying," he shrugged, "maybe if you got laid you wouldn't be this damn touchy." 

Blair turned to him slowly, "how about you keep your mind of 'my' fucking penis?" 

Jim snorted while grumbling as he stood. 

"What?" Blair stood quickly, "what did you say?" 

Sighing in annoyance, Jim turned to him and bowed, "I just said, at least 'someone' is." 

Staring at him for some time, Blair groaned and rose his arms as he backed up. 

"You know what, fuck you." 

The TV was turned up and Jim watched him for sometime while licking his lips. 

"Blair . . ." 

"Don't talk to me, just . . . god." 

There was a sigh before Jim knelt on the couch with his left knee and frowned. 

"Why don't you just talk to me, or . . ." he groaned, "whatever you're pissed about, be pissed and help me the fuck out here, my damn love life's . . ." he smiled, "turning into yours." 

He was caught of guard when he was pushed back. 

"What the fuck do you know about my damn love life?" Blair's insult grew, "leave me the hell alone, and while you're at it," he sneered, "stop listening on my fucking showers you damn pervert." 

Watching him in shock while trying to think of something to say, Jim moved back and pushed himself up to sit and turn to stare at the ground. 

"Yeah, thanks." 

Blair watched the remorse frown before closing his eyes and groaning. 

"Jim man I'm sorry . . ." 

"Save it," Jim sighed, "I'll figure it out alone, get out of my face." 

Waiting for more, Blair groaned and took the book before leaving him to himself. 

* * *

The eery silence and guilt grew, "you're not going out?" 

The grunt response caused Blair to frown and he placed the book down to turn in couch to him. 

"Listen, about . . ." 

"Get over it," Jim changed the channel as he shrugged, "I've already forgotten it." 

"Jim, I think . . . it's better if we talk about this . . ." 

"Talk about what?" Jim looked to him in hurt, "how about you take you superior attitude and leave me the fuck alone?" 

"I really don't want to fight with you, come on," Blair sighed and got comfortable, "let's talk about this." 

"What's there to talk about?" 

"Well you're angry and . . ." Blair shrugged, "I don't want it to turn to resentment." 

"Resentment?" Jim sighed, "what do you want me to say? 'I'm sorry'?" he shrugged, "I didn't do anything wrong." 

Watching the back of the couch while speaking softly, Blair shrugged. 

"Come on man, I . . ." he sighed and licked his lips before looking to Jim again, "I . . . really think . . . listening to me, um, that's kinda sick." 

"Sick?" Jim laughed in outrage, "sick," his eyes were wide as he turned to Blair finally, "let's talk about 'sick' for a second." he became serious, "you 'watch' me." 

"Now wait a second," Blair tried to laugh as he looked around at nothing, "of course I watch you, I'm doing a fucking report on you." 

"Ok," Jim smiled, "now who's using the senses as an excuse?" 

There was a sigh as Blair spoke softly, "I'm doing a report on you," he shrugged as his lips were bitten meekly, "I 'study' you," he shrugged while swaying mockingly, "that's what I do, I 'study' you by 'watching' you." 

The tone was bitter, "including habits?" 

"Of course including habits," Blair laughed in outrage, "most of all habits." 

"Yeah," Jim kissed his teeth and drank again as he shrugged, "ok then, talk's over." 

The groan was of partial annoyance, "come on man, don't . . . don't be like that." 

"Like what?" Jim looked to him and shrugged, "you wanted to talk, we 'talked'," he shrugged, "end of subject." 

"Yeah," Blair sighed and turned to look at the TV, "way to go on talking about your anger." 

"Talk about my anger?" Jim snorted, "ok, how about I talk about my anger." he sighed, "I don't care 'how' much you're studying me." he shrugged, "my tooth brushing and dates have a lot to do with it?" 

"Yeah," Blair's tone was smug, "they do." 

"God I hate you." 

Jim got up from the couch and Blair sighed before turning the TV off and turning to watch him. 

"What the fuck do you expect me to say?" 

The bitter tone caused Jim to smile as he took another drink. 

"Good question," he shrugged, "I just find it dick that it's wrong for me to listen but . . ." he laughed sadly, "you," another sip was taking, "sit around here," he pointed around aimlessly, "timing me and watching me is 'ok'." 

Blair's confusion and insult was clear, "that is 'totally' different context." 

"No it's not," Jim sighed, "you like me," he laughed, "you just don't want to admit it." 

"Ok, now you've officially lost your damn mind." Blair turned in his seat to pick the book up, "ask for some vacation time man, you've been working too hard." 

Trying not to smile, Jim drank as he shrugged, "I can prove it." 

"Oh come on." 

"No, really," Jim placed the bottle down and smile, "how about I be the research student right now?" 

Blair grumbled as he wrote, "you're not cute enough to be." 

Jim laughed as he nodded, "ok, or are you afraid?" 

"I'm not 'afraid'," Blair sighed, "there's nothing to be 'afraid' of, you're full of it." 

"No I'm not," Jim smiled, "why all of a sudden, me having problems with dating is 'my' fault completely and not my senses?" 

Blair sighed, "I don't have time for this." 

"Oh," Jim smiled, "now you don't have time?" he shrugged, "you had time to watch every fucking step I take, and 'now' you don't have time." 

"It's not your sense," Blair sighed, "it's you." 

"Yeah, right, ok." Jim shrugged, "you don't even try, you don't even 'check'. What's the matter, you afraid that it is and that's the real reason I'm not getting laid?" 

There was a sigh before Blair looked to him and smiled bitterly. 

"Ok, you know what," he shrugged miserably, "say what you have to say then 'come back' to our world, ok?" he smiled, "or are you sleep walking cuz you 'must' have lost your mind." 

Trying not to laugh, Jim shrugged, "look at you, you're not aggressive." he smiled, "what's the matter, women stepping into your territory making you edgy?" 

"Fine," Blair sighed and shrugged as he adjusted his glasses and read, "what's the problem with you? Tell me where to start and we'll start there." 

There was movement and he looked to Jim as he frowned. 

"What?" 

The eyebrows elevated at Jim shrugged testily, "nothing, just . . . nothing." he sighed, "I just like that when it's important for your 'research', you're 'all' over me and when it's for 'me' then . . ." he shrugged, "you be the 'great' guy that you are and 'stoop' to help me." 

"I'm not stooping." there was a sigh before the glasses were taken off and placed on the table and the book soon followed, "fine, have a seat." Blair sighed, "I'll try to help." 

Watching him closely, Jim picked up his bottle and walked to sit and stare ahead of himself. 

"Alright," Blair sighed, "what's your problem?" 

Jim glanced to him and frowned, "you don't want to take notes?" 

"There are no notes to take." Blair sighed and he pointed, "it's in your head man, but . . .come on, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing's wrong," Jim sighed, "I mean . . . she's ok. Just," he frowned, "she did this . . . thing to my ear and . . ." the index finger span lazily to demonstrate, "I mean . . . usually I like that but . . . urg, I don't know," his disgust was clear, "it just . . . made me 'sick'." 

Blair shrugged, "you've been pretty good with your senses so far." he sighed, "that's why I . . . really think . . . it was in your head." 

"Yeah, yeah, maybe." Jim frowned, "but . . . honestly it's starting to piss me off." 

"Alright," Blair watched carefully, "fine . . . when . . . what was so disgusting?" 

"I don't know, I . . ." Jim sighed, "maybe I was thinking of too many things at once. I mean, she got sweaty and . . . urg." he groaned, "just . . ." he flapped his hands while moving forward, "I just hurled." he shrugged, "although . . . the room, the smell was getting to me." 

Blair shrugged, "that's probably it." he turned to pick his glasses up, "just bring her by here next time, I can head to the University." 

Turning to looking at him, Jim snorted, "that's it?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"That's your big 'advice'? Some fucking guide." 

"Listen," Blair sighed, "you've slept with women before, with or without your damn senses, ok? So . . ." he sighed, "if it's not 'you' who's making yourself sick, it might be that you're just not comfortable enough." he shrugged, "at least here, you have 'everything' that makes you comfortable." the book was taken and thumbed through, "just tell me when she's coming by and I'll head out." 

Watching him for some time, Jim nodded as he stood. 

"Yeah, alright." 

"Ok," Blair went back to work and turned the TV on, "you'll be back in the saddle again in 'no' time," he laughed, "lord knows you've had enough practice." 

Turning to him in insult, Jim snorted, "what does that mean?" 

"Can we please stop with our 'lovers' quarrel?" Blair sighed, "it's been a long day and I am 'not' . . . really in the mood for this." 

"Since when?" 

"Since I became your dr. Ruth." Blair sighed, "let it go, I'm . . ." he shrugged, "just drained. I have a lot on my mind, I have a lot to do and . . . you just . . . back off, ok?" 

Jim frowned, "you ok?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok." Blair sighed and shrugged, "got any beer?" 

Jim laughed and opened the fridge to close it shortly after and toss the can for it to be caught, or rather, for it to strike Blair's hand. 

Wincing as he shook his hand quickly, Blair groaned, "it's hard to 'bring' it to me?" 

Trying not to laugh, Jim nodded and walked to pick the can up. 

"Should I pour for you too?" 

Blair sighed, "I think we need some time apart cuz you're getting on my nerves." 

"Yeah, alright." Jim shrugged, "fine." 

They were silent for some time and the sound of the can being placed on the table caused Jim to wake. 

"You said you didn't mind her." 

Blair laughed, "why is it that you keep asking me who it's ok for 'you' to date?" 

"No reason I mean," Jim sighed, "I just don't want . . ." he snorted, "this, I don't want that . . . I piss you off or something." 

"You're not pissing me off." Blair crossed his legs as he thumbed through the book, "date whoever you want." 

"No, see, that doesn't work." Jim sat up and turned to him, "cuz like it or not, you give off those . . . 'hnn Jim I don't now, she's a bit . . . pushy don't you think' looks." 

"What looks?" 

"You know what looks." Jim sighed, "the point is," he frowned, "that's when things get . . . fucked up with us so." he sighed, "what's wrong with her?" 

Blair shook his head quickly while trying not to look at him. 

"Nothing." 

"No, come on, you don't like something so . . . what's wrong with her?" 

"Nothing's wrong with her . .." 

Jim gritted his teeth, "Blair . . ." 

"Fine," Blair sighed as he sat up, "I . . . just . . . really think you could . . . I don't know," he sighed and rose his hands, "redheads and Jim," he separated his hands and shook his head, "don't 'go', ok, stay away from redheads." 

Giving it some thought, Jim shrugged, "but I like redheads." 

"Hey, I'm just giving you some advice man," Blair sighed and wrote while trying to ignore him, "take it or leave it." 

"Redheads . . ." after giving it some thought, Jim sighed, "you've got a point though." 

"Thank you." 

"Hey," Jim laughed, "thanks, maybe that'll work." 

Blair shrugged, "about the whole . . . shower thing." 

"Don't want to talk about it," Jim stood quickly to get the phone, "I know this cute little brunette number I met yesterday." 

Watching him, Blair groaned and went back to writing. 

* * *

'It's been a week now,' Blair was cautious, 'should I be as pissed as I feel?' he looked at the door and sighed, 'this could be it though, yup, he'll find that 'great' girl and go riding off into the sunset to have tons of big eared kids that are blind half the time and bumping into each other.' he was surprised at his own anger, 'what am I talking about? It's 'Jim',' he snorted, 'if ever there was a 'bad choices' pattern in life, hell . . . he 'invented' it.' he frowned and looked at his watch, 'but still . . . it's late, he's . . . god, why the 'fuck' did you have to mention the redhead thing? Damn you, leave problems 'don't' solve them.' he became serious, "what the fuck am I talking about?" 

The door being opened caused him to smile and he went back to reading again. 

The couch was sat on shortly after and Jim sighed as he unbuttoned his shirt in anger then gave it some thought. 

"You know what," he shook his head, "I don't understand women." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "join the club." 

Looking to him finally, Jim shrugged, "wanna be gay with me?" 

The laughter was deafening and Jim sighed. 

"Yeah, real funny." Jim groaned and eased up to pull his shirt from being tucked in, "I'm 'seriously' considering it, god." 

Blair smiled and shrugged, "nice thought but . . . I'll pass." 

Jim turned to him and smiled, "you sure?" 

The laugh was soft, "yeah, just a little." Blair groaned, "gross." 

"I don't think so, I mean," Jim gave it some thought and shrugged, "you've got a point but . . ." he shrugged, "I mean . . . it's you." he sighed and took his shirt off, "in theory, you're probably the best fucking choice anyhow." 

Blair smiled, "I'm flattered." 

"Stop joking Chief," Jim sighed, "my damn love life so . . . urg, annoying." he frowned, "people are too annoying sometimes." 

"You're so lazy." 

"I'm not lazy." 

"You're lazy." Blair laughed, "instead of taking the time out to 'work' through it," he smiled, "you wanna be gay?" 

"I don't want to be gay," Jim sighed, "but think of it," he folded the shirt carefully, "you're never going to find anyone." 

"Yes I am." 

Jim smiled, "let me rephrase, I won't 'let' you." 

Trying not to smile, Blair nodded, "right, and why's that?" 

"Cuz I love you too much," Jim sighed, "you're my damn 'guide', that should surpass . . . I don't know, maybe . . . the cosmos or something, but . . ." he groaned, "the thought of you getting hitched and moving out," he shrugged, "can't say I'm not scared." 

"Well I don't know," Blair paused to sit up, "you . . . you're doing 'really' great with the senses." he shrugged, "you don't really need me." 

"Is that what this is about?" Jim snorted, "that I don't need you?" 

"Trust me," Blair sighed, "you don't need me. You . . . you rule . . ." he frowned, "you're probably just causing problems subconsciously." 

"What if I am?" Jim frowned, "two fucking years we sit around and . . . I don't know, 'study', then you get what you want and . . . move on?" his hurt was clear, "damn, can you 'use' me anymore?" 

Jaw dropping in shock and insult, Blair turned to him slowly. 

"I don't 'use' you." 

"Yeah right," Jim sighed, "you use me Chief, simple as that, you 'use' me, what more do you need?" he shrugged, "blood sample? Give me a minute and I'll see what I can do." 

They stared at each other for some time and Jim's grimace caused Blair to look at the book while speaking softly. 

"I didn't use you." 

"Ok, let me ask you this," Jim shrugged, "after your paper is done," he sighed, "what then? What happens?" 

"I don't now what happens." Blair groaned, "maybe I move out, maybe you find some woman who wants to move in, I don't know." 

Nodding miserably, Jim sat back and tried to relax as he placed the shirt on the arm of the couch. 

"Yeah, that's what I thought." 

Pausing to look to him, Blair sighed, "I'm . . . flattered that you want to be around me . . ." the lazy hand waving him away caused him to frown, "just listen to me." 

"No, I don't want to listen to you," Jim sat up and shrugged, "I just have to face facts that . . . we've come to a stopping point . . ." 

Blair snorted, "there is no stopping point between us." 

"There is," Jim frowned, "things . . . change . . ." 

"I know that," Blair sighed, "but turning," he used bunny ears, "gay to make sure we stay together is . . ." he laughed in shock, "a bit 'out' there, you don't think?" 

Jim gave it some thought as he watched Blair's chest and shrugged. 

"Give me enough beer and," Jim smiled, "you can have your way." 

Trying to hold a straight face, Blair was the first to break up with laughter and Jim joined him. 

"That's what I thought." 

Blair tried to sit up, "what do you mean?" 

Jim sighed, "obviously you don't care as much about 'us' as I do." 

"Jim," Blair's eyebrows rose as he snorted, "there is no 'us'." 

"Now." 

They both laughed and Jim shrugged as he stood to walk to the kitchen. 

"I'm just saying that I'm giving 'options' for us to stay comrades and you . . ." he sighed, "you're not even trying." 

"Course I'm trying," Blair shrugged, "I'm sitting here every night in hopes that you'll feel 'WAY' too guilty to leave me." 

Jim laughed, "it's working." 

Blair frowned, "is that the only reason I'm not packing my bags by now?" 

"No," the six pack was placed down as Jim smiled, "I told you," he sighed, "life is so . . . much 'safer' with you, and . . ." he frowned, "that's in trouble now." he sighed, "I just think it kinda blows that you got what you wanted and now you're moving on." 

"I'm not moving on." the urgency in Blair's voice was cut short when he was handed a can, "you're not serious." 

Jim smiled, "it's a good transition." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "no, I'm not doing this." 

"Come on," Jim called him close, "we can start off easy." 

Brow narrowed in confusion, Blair leaned back, "how?" 

Jim shrugged, "a kiss." 

"I am 'not' kissing you." 

"Oh get over it," Jim sighed, "let's just get it over with." 

"No way," Blair placed the can down as he stared ahead of himself, "you're either high or . . . lord knows but I don't plan to wake up tomorrow and be on the streets because you felt like a fucking college student." 

"Speaking of which . . ." 

"No, shut up." 

Jim's laughter caused Blair to sigh. 

"Jim man, come on, it's not funny anymore." 

The beer was opened as Jim shrugged, "who's laughing?" 

After giving it some thought, Blair smiled, "so I'm doing this for the sake of our 'guide', sentinel hood?" 

"You can say that." Jim sighed, "but think about it, I . . . really, the idea of me going off and getting married to have kids . . . can you 'really' see that?" 

After giving it some thought, Blair placed his feet on the ground as he shrugged. 

"I guess the . . . idea is 'not' in the realm of possibilities." he sighed, "your senses aren't 'temporary'." 

"And neither are you," Jim sighed, "so . . . let's get it over with." 

Blair tried not to smile, "get what over with?" 

"Well come on," Jim sighed and drank miserably, "if this is what it takes to get laid then I'll live." 

After giving it some thought, Blair reached for a can and opened it reluctantly. 

"Man, I don't think I can kiss you." 

"What's the difference?" Jim sighed, "lips are lips." 

"But . . ." Blair tried not to gag as he drank in obvious disgust, "I've 'been' around you too long, god, no, I can't do this." 

"It's kiss Chief, I'm not asking that I tear your clothes of and make 'sweet' animal sex to you." 

Blair laughed then paused, "and why the hell not?" 

The can was placed down in awe, "I can't believe this." 

"No, come on," Blair drank then turned to him, "what, I'm not cute?" 

"You're cute," Jim paused, "ok, just cuz we're trying this does 'not' give you an excuse to be . . ." he shrugged, "girly." 

"Hey fuck you," Blair sighed and sat back as he sipped his beer, "you might want to start thinking with your head for one day." he looked at the can and laughed in shock, "I'm . . . drinking beer to build up the courage to kiss you because . . ." 

Jim shrugged and turned the TV on, "we want to get laid." 

"Un fucking believable." the remote was snatched and the TV turned off, "can you be serious for a second and stop watching that shit." 

"I am being serious." Jim sighed and finished the can quickly, "very serious." 

"Alright," Blair frowned, "so . . . this is about you getting laid?" 

"Us," Jim inhaled and opened another can 'us' getting laid, try to remember the 'us'." 

"I don't know," Blair shrugged, "I don't think I have that much of a problem," the beer was spurted and he struck Jim's back desperately, "breathe man, you ok?" 

The laugh was unexpected and he groaned before staring at the table. 

"Yeah, up yours." 

"No, sorry," Jim wiped his lips and placed the can down carefully, "just . . .couldn't help it." 

Blair sighed, "so I'm not as well ridden as you, so sue me." 

Jim sighed, "you do pretty well alone." the glare caused him to cough, "thinking out loud, sorry." 

"Yeah, right," Blair's disgust was clear, "you . . . 'listen' to me?" 

Trying not to laugh, Jim picked up the can and smiled, "if you had heightened hearing . . . what would you do?" 

"Oh come on," Blair eyed him in loathing, "I wouldn't be doing that." 

Jim shrugged and demonstrated, "do you do back hand or . . ." he shrugged, "you know, cuz I can't figure it out." 

"You asshole." 

There was a sigh before Jim looked to him and frowned. 

"I'm only trying to get you to loosen up, god." he frowned, "relax, it's . . ." he shrugged, "me, it's not like it matters." he sighed and sat back, "forget it." 

They stared ahead while drinking miserably and Blair grumbled. 

"Depends." 

Jim tried not to laugh, "huh?" 

"Shut up." 

The smile was serene and Jim finished the can to get another one. 

"How much do you think we need?" 

Blair groaned and reached for another beer, "a 'lot'." 

"Oh come on, I can't be that bad." the snort caused him to frown, "I'm serious." 

"So am I." Blair sighed, "I've seen what you stuff your face with and . . ." he shuddered, "yee." 

"Thanks," Jim's gone was flat and he sighed, "that's 'very' nice of you." 

"Oh come on," Blair sighed, "at least the beer will be an excuse." 

Turning to him slowly, Jim shrugged, "come on, it's no big deal." 

"No," Blair drank meekly while eyeing him, "I don't want to." 

"Come on." 

"No." 

The can was taken and placed on the table as Jim placed his left leg on the couch and turned to him. 

"Come here." 

There was a sigh as Blair looked around then groaned and moved closer but paused. 

"No tongue." 

"None," Jim tried not to smile, "promise." 

"Right," Blair sighed and moved closer, "you closing your eyes or what?" 

"Why should I?" Jim smiled, "or . . . does that bother you?" 

"Well if you don't close your eyes then . . . yeah, it's just about getting laid." 

"Alright, alright." Jim's eyebrows rose before he closed his eyes and waited, "ready when you are." 

There was a sigh before Blair moved closer and was about to hold Jim's face but hesitated before holding it regardless and brushing Jim's lips with his thumb. 

"What?" 

"Nothing, just," Blair sighed, "making sure you're ready to be kissed," he shrugged, "or . . . should I not bother?" 

"You're making me nervous, come on," Jim grinned, "plant a big one on." 

"Right," Blair exhaled and moved his thumb aside to feel Jim's lips against his own before puckering softly. 

Jim groaned and moved close to freeze when his ear was held and Blair pulled him close to kiss him forcefully. 

The kiss was broken cautiously and Blair sighed, "how was that?" 

Opening his eyes to smile, Jim soon frowned, "well it was great until you 'asked'." 

"Sorry," Blair shrugged, "we can do it again." 

There was a sigh before Jim took hold of Blair's neck to pull him close. 

"Alright, I'll take over." 

Blair smiled, "what was wrong with my kiss?" 

"Nothing, just . . ." Jim smiled, "watch and learn." 

Trying not to laugh, Blair froze when he was kissed softly then pulled closer. 

Jim was the first the break the kiss and cough while wiping his lips. 

"What was that?" 

Blair smiled, "you never said you didn't want any tongue." 

Jim laughed, "ok, I don't want any tongue." 

The groan was soft, "come on, it's no fun otherwise." 

"Alright," Jim sighed and moved closer, "whatever." 

"God, how romantic." 

"No romance, this is a crusade against romance, ok?" 

"Yeah," Blair's tone was soft and he closed his eyes, "ok, a crusade." 

"Alright," Jim smiled and moved close to kiss the full lips and feel Blair's lips part for him to be greeted with a tongue which he sucked softly. 

Running his fingers though Jim's hair, Blair groaned softly and pulled him closer for a more passionate kiss. 

Jim broke the kiss again and tried to breathe, "ok, that . . . was enough." 

Watching him in confusion, Blair shrugged, "we barely did anything." he moved closer and paused when Jim rose his hand, "Jim . . ." 

"No, that was enough," the beer was picked up and Jim placed the rest in the fridge before walking to the bathroom, "thanks." 

Feeling his own lips part in awe, Blair snorted and turned to watch him go. 

"Thanks? All you can say is 'thanks'?" 

"Yeah," Jim shrugged, "thanks." 

The door closed and Blair turned to stare straight ahead, "what the fuck does that mean?" 

Part 2 

Quite happy and 'unhappy' for the alone time, Blair closed his eyes while laying out on the couch. His right hand was behind his head and he tried not to smile when he was sat down beside again to have his feet pushed up to accommodate. 

"Thought I scared you." 

Jim was in thought as he sat back, "I don't know," he yawned, "I think the beer's starting to kick in." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "oh really?" 

"Yeah," Jim sighed, "I came to apologize for just leaving like that." 

The laugh was soft and Jim looked to him in confusion and obvious fatigue. 

"What's so funny?" 

"Nothing," Blair shrugged as he sat up, "it's just not a big deal." he sighed, "if you don't mention it, I won't." 

"Why are you just brushing this off like that?" 

Blair sighed, "Jim, you've lost your mind." 

"Maybe," Jim gave it some thought and shrugged, "so you . . . don't want to be gay with me?" 

His shoulder was patted in sympathy as Blair stood, "sorry big guy," he laughed, "you're on your own." 

"Not so fast," Jim pulled Blair to sit beside him as he frowned, "I'm serious here." 

"So am I. That was freaky, I could do without experiencing that again." 

Jim smiled,, "what was freaky? That it was good or that it was 'really' bad?" 

"Really bad." 

Taking insult, Jim leaned back to regard him in shock, "really bad?" 

The laugh was a small snicker at first until Blair shrugged. 

"You just 'grabbed' me," he shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I'm used to being the aggressor." 

Turning to stare ahead of himself, Jim frowned, "you didn't like it?" 

Blair shrugged, "it was ok." he sighed, "but let's face it," he frowned, "it could have been better." 

"Tell me you're fucking joking cuz you're killing me here." 

Turning to him slowly, Blair tried not to smile, "ok, 'now' do you see how stupid this is?" 

"This is not stupid," putting his arm around Blair securely, Jim frowned, "think about it, let's analyze it 'one' more time." 

"Fine, let's." 

"Ok," Jim sighed and watched the dark TV, "we don't want to split, is that like a . . . 'never ever' thing or a . . . 'only until my dissertation is done and then I can go'." 

Blair groaned in annoyance, "get over the dissertation thing already." 

"I can't." Jim sighed, "well?" 

"It's a . . . I don't know, I . . . guess it's a never ever thing." Blair was released and groaned, "what now?" 

"Nothing just," Jim sighed and sat back to rest his head back on the couch, "I don't know. I . . . just really thought you'd be into this." 

"Into 'what' exactly?" 

"Just . . . figuring something out." 

"Jim there's nothing to figure out." Blair smiled, "I'll just live with you till I die, ok? How's that?" 

Looking to him in sadness, Jim frowned, "I'm ok with that." 

"Great," Blair sighed, "now we can get on with life." 

"But you don't 'get' it," Jim smiled, "we are 'stuck' with each other." 

"Hey," Blair turned to him, "we are not 'stuck'." 

"Yeah we are," Jim sighed as he sat up, "can you 'honestly' say you won't mind if I bring someone over?" 

Blair frowned in hurt, "oh so . . . it goes from 'Blair I want to sleep with you to, Blair sorry, I changed my mind, can I have the loft free'?" 

Jim groaned, "I cannot believe . . . this, just," his elbows were placed on his knees as he pointed around, "all of this, how we are." he frowned, "yes or no?" he sighed, "because I'm having a 'really' hard time with intimacy with anyone and I 'know' you're the reason." 

"So?" Blair sighed and turned to match Jim's posture, "so what? Don't be intimate, have a few flings, what do I care?" 

"God you lie . . . pitifully." Jim sighed, "I don't 'want' a few flings." he looked to Blair again and snorted, "have you been in the dating pool lately? It's a fucking war zone out there." he sighed, "and I'm 'really' annoyed with you treating me like a slut." 

The snort was low, "riiigghhhtt." 

"Hey, look who's talking." Jim tried not to laugh, "you . . . oh, you are one to talk alright." 

"I never said I was perfect," Blair sighed, "I just really think we're going about this all wrong I mean." he shrugged, "I . . . I'm not comfortable." 

"Why not?" Jim sighed and turned to him to shrug, "so . . . you'd rather . . ." he shrugged while frowning miserably, "do that," he nodded to the door, "in there and not with me?" 

"Listen," Blair snorted softly, "will you 'please' get off the whole masturbation trip? Just cuz I'm not getting any doesn't mean I'm not happy." 

The contemptuous glare and smug raise of Jim's eyebrow caused him to groan. 

"Why are you doing this to me?" 

"I'm telling you," Jim sighed, "it's gotten to the point where 'I'," he pointed to himself, "personally hate the idea of you dating 'anyone'." he frowned, "I feel like they're gonna take you away not to 'mention'," he sighed, "I don't know," he looked at the couch as he shrugged, "I really don't know. And you . . ." his tone was accusing, "look at you. You totally alienated almost 'everyone' and as soon I was dating again, you were just . . . you 'sat' up for me, do you see that?" 

Blair sighed, "I'm . . . just not in a going out mood." 

"You always were before" Jim frowned, "face it," he shrugged, "we're coming close to the end of your 'studies' and it's scaring the shit out of you." he sighed, "what, we sit here forever, we meet some nice women. We buy a house were all four of us live in it?" he sighed, "and even then, if I zone when I'm having sex or . . . I start freaking out," he huffed, "I doubt she'd appreciate that I'm running to your room naked asking for help." he frowned, "I've . . . thought about it, and I'm . . . accepting the fact that . . ." he sighed, "being around someone else, something 'permanent' scares the shit out of me." 

There was a sigh as Blair shrugged, "you were in tons of relationships before, why . . ." he frowned, "why care now?" 

"It never occurred to me till now." Jim sighed, "I don't want that this is over, I get some . . . god 'another' fucked up relationship, you go of to some fucking far off country to 'explore' while . . ." he shrugged, "I don't know. I just really get the feeling that I'll never meet the right girl," he sighed, "and you have to admit, you try to sabotage things too. Sometimes I do it more but . . ." he frowned, "do you understand what I mean?" he shrugged, "I've lost 'so' many people lately, so many." he sighed, "I'm not losing you without a fight." 

Frowning as he watched him, Blair shrugged while trying to reason. 

"Jim man, I'm not going anywhere." he frowned, "and . . . I'm not 'into' this and . . . if you cared that much then . . . it shouldn't matter." 

"I'm not saying it matters." Jim sighed, "but . . . you, you sit here and I feel 'so' fucking guilty." he frowned, "do you know the last time I had sex?" the blush caused him to groan and look up, "oh my god." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "it's not so hard to see." 

"I know but . . ." Jim turned to him in shock, "what does that mean?" 

"Don't worry about it." Blair sighed, "just . . . I'm sorry. You're right, the idea that you'll want me to go or . . . replace me, it was killing me so," he frowned, "I sat here to make sure you'd know that I was here. But . . ." he rose his right hand as he looked at the ground then patted Jim's left leg, "it was wrong and," he smiled, "I won't do it again." 

Jim sighed, "it's too late for that." 

"No it's not," Blair tried to smile, "the idea that you don't want me to go, that . . . that's enough." he smiled, "maybe I'll get back out there again." 

"And," Jim turned to watch the ground while frowning, "that frightens me." 

Blair sighed, "what do you want?" he groaned, "I feel like this is marriage." 

"And it might as well be," Jim turned to him slowly, "I want you around, hell, when I'm 60, I want you around, I want to know that 'you're' there." he sighed, "and I get the feeling that I 'chose' these . . . 'destructive' relationships on purpose. But I don't know, but think about it, do I?" 

The nod was faint, "I could do some research but . . ." Blair frowned, "yeah, you probably do." 

"And you," Jim snorted, "you . . . you're worse of," he sighed, "if you start dating you 'might' find that . . . damn 'great one' who changes your mind for you." he shrugged, "I'm gonna be realistic and admit that, you're good looking, you already know that, and it's only a matter of time." 

"So what," Blair smiled while turning his head to the left, "you 'don't' want me to go . . . out?" 

"Honestly?" 

"Yeah." 

"No," Jim shrugged, "hell no." 

"Right," Blair sighed and leaned close to smile, "it's nice but . . . like you said, I need to get back out there and reward the world with my charm." 

"No," Jim groaned, "hell, I can't even go out there without just . . . 'staring' at person, just watching 'everything' to find something wrong. Besides," he exhaled, "the idea that I'll zone . . . one of these days, that freaks me out." 

"Alright," Blair smiled, "we . . . we can work on it." he shrugged, "now that I don't have to worry, I'm ok with you dating." 

"Yeah?" 

"Hm'hm," Blair smiled, "completely." 

Jim stood to groan, "you are 'so' bad for my fucking ego Chief, you have 'no' damn idea how much." 

Watching him to groan, Blair stood and walked to the bathroom. 

"Gee Jim, no pressure." 

"Whatever." 

* * *

The shower was refreshing and Blair walked from the bathroom with a towel around his waist to freeze. 

Jim laughed while speaking into the receive, "yeah, I know it's late," he shrugged, "couldn't stop thinking about you." he tried not to laugh, "yeah, tomorrow sounds good." 

He nodded while sitting back and staring at the wall. 

The laugh was soft, "you . . . you'll what?" he smiled, "wear the red one it's . . . definitely an eye catcher." he laughed, "yeah, can't wait to get it off you either . . ." 

He laughed then froze when the phone was picked up and Blair listened in anger. 

Hearing the dial tone caused him to give Jim a look of utter hate as Jim placed his hands behind his back and laid down. 

Blair sighed, "why are you doing this to me?" 

"I'm not doing anything to you." Jim sighed, "just proving a very good point." 

The phone was retired and Blair look of hate was constant. 

"What? That you're insane?" 

Jim looked up to him and frowned, "why do you care who I'm talking to?" he sat up to sigh, "I'm just showing you, it bothers you who I sleep with." 

Blair sighed and sat to stare at the ground, "I never thought about that." 

"I have," Jim sighed, "no matter what, I can't go out there dating again." 

The shrug was half hearted, "then don't," Blair smiled, "problem solved." 

The glare he received caused him to sigh. 

"What?" 

"It's not problem solved." Jim frowned, "I don't plan to be up in my room wacking off from now until I die." 

Blair sighed, "get to the point." 

"Come on," Jim shrugged, "you're doing the same thing," he clapped his hands together and smiled, "put us together and you've got yourself a working system." 

Watching him for some time, Blair sighed before reaching out to touch Jim's forehead then checked his eyes. 

"You feeling ok?" 

"Just face facts," Jim sighed, "it's only a matter of time anyhow." 

Blair snorted, "yeah right." 

Jim smiled, "come on Chief, stop being all 'innocent'," he shrugged, "you knew when I listened." 

Sneering in disgust, Blair tried not to let his revulsion show. 

"How can you do that?" 

"I didn't mean to at first," Jim sighed, "and . . . after awhile I started seeing the pattern so . . ." he frowned, "it . . . just became habit and . . ." he sighed in defeat, "I never used to listen to all of it." 

Blair blinked in shock, "all of it?" 

"I said I never . . ." 

"Used to," Blair rose his right index finger, "keyword, 'used' to." his shock and hurt was clear, "you listen to all of it 'now'?" 

The shrug was bashful, "close you eyes and . . ." Jim sighed, "it's nicer, all you do is 'hear' and smell all of that," he almost laughed, "I mean . . . the noises you make are . . ." 

"Ok, 'that's' it," Blair shook his head in disgust, "you 'listen' to me?" 

"And you knew," Jim shrugged, "it turned you on more." 

"Bullshit." 

"Then why wait until I got home before you start?" Jim ran his tongue along his right canine and shrugged, "huh?" 

Closing his mouth in shock, Blair shook his head. 

"I can't believe this is happening." 

Jim groaned as he sat back, "I just can't believe how much in denial you are." 

"I'm not in denial, I just can't have sex with you." 

Jim sighed, "you never even tried." 

Blair tried to keep a straight face, "so . . . you get sexually frustrated and 'that's' your conclusion?" 

The nod was slow, "oh yeah." Jim sighed and looked to him, "if we're going to be the only ones around each other," he frowned, "why do we have to be alone?" he shrugged, "I don't mind being around you." 

"Yeah right," Blair sighed, "you liked the kiss and next thing I know you 'leave'." 

"Ok," Jim groaned with risen eyebrows, "it takes getting used to. That I can't deny." 

There was a sigh before Blair shrugged, "alright, fine." 

The laugh was soft, "what?" 

"I said fine," Blair sighed, "don't make me repeat myself." 

"Alright then," Jim shrugged, "how do we do this?" 

"What!?" Blair turned to him slowly, "you didn't even figure that part out?" 

Jim snorted, "hey, I'm doing all the work here, ok?" 

"Fine," Blair sighed, "um, I don't know, we'll think of something." 

"Ok," Jim sighed, "so . . . you're gonna be faithful?" 

Looking up, Blair sighed, "course I'm gonna be faithful, I'm 'always' faithful." 

Jim shrugged, "just checking." he sighed, "so . . . what?" 

Blair shrugged, "I guess whenever one of us gets . . ." he sighed, "horny then," he groaned, "I don't know." 

"Alright, at least we're over that barrier." 

"Ok." Blair sighed, "although I don't see how we can do this when you can't even kiss me." 

"I liked it," Jim grumbled bitterly, "unlike someone else." 

"Come on Jim man, it . . ." Blair sighed, "was ok, it . . . just wasn't my style." 

The nod was faint and Jim looked to him when his own face was held. 

"You want to go again?" 

Jim sighed, "you sure you'll want to?" 

"Come on," Blair smiled, "practice makes perfect." 

"Just take it slow." 

"Always best," Blair sighed, "although . . . that we 'plan' this . . . you know." 

"It's not planned," Jim leaned in closer and exhaled, "it's not." 

"Yeah, ok." Blair smiled, "this the beer still talking?" 

Jim laughed, "could be." 

"Probably is." their lips were close and puckered as they watched each other and Blair spoke against Jim's lips, "closed eyes." 

"Right," Jim closed his eyes and smiled, "show me how I should do it." 

"Just," Blair shrugged and took a small kiss and was cautious before pulling Jim close and exploring his mouth. 

The groan was soft and Jim held Blair's neck before running his hand down past the fuzzy chest to hold Blair's waist and pull him closer. 

Blair was holding Jim's face before feeling his hands guided to Jim's ears and taking hold in accord. The moan he receive caused him to move closer as he felt Jim's hand on his right knee. 

The warmth of Blair's mouth seemed all consuming and Jim relaxed for Blair to be more aggressive and take charge fully. The hand crawling between his legs caused Blair to groan and devour Jim's tongue in accord. 

The hand going higher caused Blair to catch hold of it while pushing Jim back. 

"Hey." 

He was trying to catch his breath while looking to Jim in shock who in turned shrugged. 

"Sorry, old habits."Jim shrugged, "think you could shave your legs?" the glare caused him to groan, "come on, for special occasions." 

Blair smiled, "I don't think so." 

"But . . ." Jim shrugged, "alright, it was just a thought." 

Going close for another kiss that was more timid, Blair was rigid when he was pulled close in hunger. The kiss became more relaxed and he pushed Jim's hand from between his legs only for it to return again. 

There was a sigh of defeat, almost an exhale of arousal before Blair released his hold and took hold of Jim's face as he felt the hand glide under the towel slowly. The inside of his right thigh was rubbed firmly and he was more eager as Jim groaned in approval. 

It was when Jim went higher that they both jumped back. 

Blair was almost holding onto the couch as he tried to catch his breath, "sorry," he laughed, "that's . . . 'never' happened to me before." 

Looking to his own hand, Jim opened his mouth to speak before closing his mouth slowly and exhaling. 

"I . . ." he laughed, "was . . . um," he nodded, "kinda surprised, um, you know." 

"Yeah," Blair sighed, "I guess . . ." he shrugged, "you're not interested." 

"I'm 'very' interested I . . ." Jim sighed, "just have to get used to the body." 

"Yeah, sure," Blair smiled, "we'll . . . wait, ok, go little by little." 

"Hm'hm," Jim nodded, "you mean 'get too horny to think'?" 

"And drunk," Blair pointed, "never underestimate the beauty of being drunk." 

Jim laughed, "I won't." he stood to look down at him and shrug, "I'll . . . just head to bed." 

"Yeah," Blair stood and tried to wrap the towel around better, "me too." he smiled, "goodnight." 

They leaned in for a kiss but hesitated before Jim took a small peck and smiled. 

"Better this time?" 

The exhale was well justified, "oh yeah," Blair laughed, "much better." 

"Good," Jim smiled, "practice . . ." 

"I plan to give you a lot." the laugh caused Blair to shake his head, "you've lost your mind." 

Jim smiled, "who knows." 

* * *

The final beer can landed behind the couch and Jim laughed. 

"If we don't die from alcohol poisoning, we might make it." 

Blair found himself giggling and tried to stop. 

"Yeah, we might," he exhaled and sat back, "whoa," he turned to Jim and smiled, "was that ok?" 

"What?" Jim smiled, "that we were making out in the truck?" 

Blair nodded, "yeah, I . . . I don't know," he smiled, "I like the little 'thrill' of it." 

Jim laughed, "it might have been better if you didn't keep jumping every time you 'heard' a noise." 

Blair laughed, "hey, it was my idea so . . . I tried." 

"It was . . . good," Jim smiled, "really nice." he shrugged anxiously, "you ready?" 

The laugh was soft, "what the hell," Blair smiled, "you first." 

Looking down at himself, Jim smiled, "no, you." 

Blair sighed, "we . . ." he shrugged and laughed when he was kissed, "can do that later." 

"Alright," Jim smiled when the arms wrapped around his neck, "you ok with this?" 

"Yeah, sure, why do you ask?" 

"Just making sure." Jim watched the jovial blue eyes while smiling, "we can still stop." 

Blair smiled, "how many times have you used that line?" 

Jim grinned, "just shut up." 

The laugh was soft and soon muffled and Blair moved closer on the couch to feel his waist held as Jim took great care and reservation in the gropes. 

The kiss was broken for Blair to look down, "go ahead." 

Looking from his own hand to Blair, Jim shook his head, "not ready yet." 

"Alright, that's ok." Blair was kissed again quickly and moaned as the hold became more forceful. 

Deciding that he'd have to take the initiative, Blair held Jim's neck before reaching lower while having his lips bitten anxiously. 

Quite uncertain of the chest area, he exhaled and reached down to where he knew could only be described as 'the moment of truth'. 

Reaching to brush against Jim's crotch, the erection caused Blair to move his hand up quickly. It was taken and pushed down again and he complied to pull Jim's shirt up and stroke the smooth skin. The groans grew and he was feasting on Jim's tongue as he exhaled and reached into the snug trousers carefully. The gruff moan caused him to pull his hand away and it was held in place for Jim to push it back down and rub his crotch against it. Taking hold reluctantly at first, Blair did his best to comply when Jim's heavy breathing grew and Jim made several thrusts against Blair's hand. 

It was when his own crotch was held when Blair jumped back and exhaled while trying to catch his breath. 

Seeming to wake, Jim licked his lips and rose his hands to look down when Blair pulled his hand from Jim's trousers slowly. 

Jim was nodding as if answering a question and looked to Blair finally. 

"Too fast?" 

"I don't know," Blair exhaled and looked at the table, "but I liked it." 

Trying not to smile, Jim shrugged and moved closer, "ok." the frown caused him to worry, "what?" 

"Nothing," Blair sighed and moved closer, "all this seems to do is . . . get us more frustrated." 

"Ok," Jim gave it some thought, "what now?" 

"Um," Blair shrugged, "you ready?" 

"Yeah, yeah sure." Jim tried to smile, "ok," he shrugged, "should I undress first?" 

Looking to Jim who seemed unkept, Blair shrugged, "I . . . I could." 

"We can do it together." it was said in haste and Jim unbuttoned his shirt quickly to pause, "what?" 

"Nothing," Blair was slightly shaky but paused to take a deep breath while trying not to look at Jim as he unbuttoned his own shirt to pause, "I can't be naked around you." 

Jim laughed as shad the shirt, "what do you mean?" 

"I just . . ." Blair sighed, "I don't know." 

"That's ok," Jim looked around, "we . . . could put the lights out." 

"That . . . that sounds good." glancing to Jim, Blair licked his lips before easing up to unbutton his pants, "please stop watching me." 

"Sorry," Jim tried not to look as he himself matched Blair's movements, "you sure you're ok with this?" 

"Yeah, why do you keep asking that?" 

Jim paused, "cuz I'm not sure if I am." 

Blair gave it some thought then sat fully to frown, "I'm already worked up." 

"I know," Jim sighed, "I know, I'm sorry." 

Looking to Jim only to shrug, Blair frowned, "did I do something wrong?" 

"No, no, um," Jim sighed, "it's just . . . this takes getting used to." 

Looking down at himself, Blair sighed and glanced to Jim to frown. 

"What do we do now?" 

"I don't think I could do this with . . . you around." 

Blair laughed, "that just counteracts your plan." 

"Chief I know that," Jim sighed, "but . . . come on, you know." 

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Blair nodded and stared ahead of himself, "I guess . . . we wait here till we calm down." 

After giving it some thought, Jim shrugged, "you . . . want to do me or . . . I do you, which one?" 

Blair laughed, "do me how?" 

"A hand job is . . ." Jim snorted, "a start." 

"Yeah it is," Blair tried to look over to Jim's lap then sit up again, "too early." 

"It's . . ." Jim groaned, "been awhile now." 

"I know." 

Glancing over to Blair's lap, Jim nodded and stared ahead, "ok, I see what you mean." 

"Good." 

Jim sighed, "um," he frowned, "do you want the lights 'completely' out?" 

"I," Blair sighed, "just don't know how I'll . . . handle 'you' touching me I mean . . ." he shrugged, "or the other way around." 

"I get you," Jim sighed, "we need to go slower." he looked down to his own lap and shrugged, "we've stalled enough." 

"I know," Blair sighed, "I know, thanks for being patient." 

"Stop treating me like a rapist." Jim sighed, "you were pretty patient with me too, just cuz I didn't say thanks doesn't mean . . . it's not appreciated." 

"Alright," Blair nodded, "we've stalled enough, come on." 

Jim almost leaned away, "what do you mean come on?" 

Blair sighed, "um, well," he laughed, "we have to at least be able to 'see' each other naked first." 

"Why?" Jim shrugged, "I'm . . . not picky." 

"Oh k." Blair extended his arms, "wanna go first?" 

"Go first how?" Jim's insult was clear, "how's that going first?" 

"Ok, you know what?" Blair tried to smile as he thought about it, "ok, how about . . . you know," he shrugged and tried to make hand gestures as he shrugged, "ok?" 

"Jack off?" 

Blair sighed, "yeah Jim, like," he eased his hips up to show hand motion, "that could mean 'it's sunny outside' too." 

Jim laughed, "I'm . . . sorry, just . . . never mind." 

"It's ok," Blair shrugged, "if we can't even do that in front of each other then what good are we?" 

"You have a point," Jim smiled, "that should be easy." 

"Ok," Blair shrugged and nodded to him, "you start first." 

Looking down at himself, Jim snorted, "I don't think so." 

"Come on," Blair sighed, "it was your idea." 

"I can't get . . . comfortable if you're watching." 

Blair laughed, "funny how I could." 

Jim smiled, "ok then, start and . . . um," he nodded, "I'll follow your lead." 

Watching him for some time, Blair looked down at himself and sighed. 

"Oh 'k'." 

They were silent for sometime and Blair wouldn't move as Jim watched the center stage for the performance to start. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," Blair sighed and shook his head, "this is too embarrassing I . . . I can't when . . . you're here." 

Jim nodded in understanding before smiling, "just go into the bedroom." 

Blair laughed, "I'm not going with 'you' into 'any' bedroom." 

The laugh was soft, "I didn't mean it like that, I mean," Jim sighed, "go ahead, and . . . I'll listen." 

Watching Jim closely, Blair pointed to the desired door, "like . . . now?" 

"Why not?" Jim sighed, "you go . . . I'll listen and . . ." he eased up his pelvis to point, "you know, with you." 

Staring at the table in thought, Blair's suspicion was clear, "I can't fake it, how will I know that . . . you're . . ?" 

"Trust me," Jim smiled, "I will." 

Smiling at the idea, Blair stood and buttoned his pants quickly as he made his way to the bathroom. 

Jim yelled in accord, "bedroom, not . . . I," he shrugged, "have to smell you too so . . ." 

The smile was held back and Blair complied to look around the small room. 

Jim's voice carried, "no clothes, ok?" 

"Alright," Blair undressed quickly and sighed, "I'm trusting you Jim." 

Jim laughed, "you'll have your evidence." 

They both laughed and he smiled to himself as he waited. The bed was sat on as Blair stared at the ground before laying down and exhaling. 

"Right." he closed his eyes to smile, "big hands you're the one." hearing Jim's laughter caused him to smile, "at least I know you're listening." 

Jim dialed his hearing down as he yelled, "course I am, but . . . if, you don't have to." 

"Jim . . ." 

"Yeah Chief." 

"Shut up." Jim's laughter caused Blair to smile and he began by rubbing his stomach soothingly before hearing the voice. 

"What are you thinking about Chief?" 

Blair grinned, "how about . . . your nice tongue licking my ear?" he smiled at the silence and reached up to touch his own left ear before running his hand down his chest slowly, "should I put you in the context?" 

The pause was short, "who else would you put?" 

"Good question." Blair smiled and nodded, "ok," he began to squirm and relaxed, "pinch your nipple, I'll pinch mine." 

Jim had his eyes closed as he leaned his head back and inhaled deeply to exhale again and comply. 

"Which one?" 

The smile was unseen and Blair smiled, "the right one." Blair's voice was soft and Jim closed his eyes to imagine the lips parting with each words, "just a little, or don't you like that?" 

There wasn't a response and Blair took it as a good sign and didn't see as Jim took a deep breath to moan while following orders. 

Blair whispered fully, "pinch both of them." releasing his own nipples slowly, Blair's hands ran down his own body before his index finger was placed in his belly button. 

He went lower and decided to get to the point as he rubbed the semi stiff tool softly. 

Jim smiled and licked his lips before unzipping his pants fully to ease up and push the trousers down. He ran his hands down his own abdomen slowly before reaching down to take hold of his own erection. 

He didn't need to see to know when Blair reached down to cup his own balls while breathing heavily. It didn't take long and Jim did his best to mach Blair's breathing that seemed to echo around him. He was stroking his own balls with his left hand much like Blair and ran his fingers along his shaft slowly, determined on matching each stroke. 

The over enthusiastic gasp made him exhale and take hold of his throbbing arousal to have his own breathing quicken to match Blair's perfectly. 

He was about to pause but smiled when Blair's agonized voice was audible. 

"Back hand." 

It was almost a gasp in itself and Jim complied to moan softly. 

Blair's voice was whisper, "this is such a turn on. I can just see you now." he smiled, "rub it a little faster." 

Jim exhaled to comply quickly. 

"You have two hands Jim," Blair smiled, "don't forget that," he almost growled, "rub your balls." 

Reaching down slowly, Jim was arched back as he complied and stroked the tip of his penis urgently. Inhaling again caused him to bite his bottom lip while breathing open mouthed. 

"Slow down," Blair tried to catch his breath and stroked himself slowly, "might as well make this last." 

* * *

Blair awoke with a pounding headache and froze before rushing to the bathroom to have a hangover. Making several more attempts to regurgitate he finally gave in to flush the toilet. 

It was when he was washing his hands then his mouth when he looked down at the dried semen and laughed. His laugh was very much forced and he felt his face turning red before sighing and washing his face to stand. 

Recollection took hold and he sighed before walking out into the livingroom again to freeze. The sight he saw actually made him smile and he left and soon returned with a blanket to walk toward Jim slowly in hopes not to startle him. 

Jim was partially naked with his fingertips in the dried cum with a look that didn't begin to describe his peace. 

Watching the stern face caused Blair to smile and he would have helped but changed his mind to cover Jim up snugly. He looked around and sighed before sitting down beside him and using the blanket to cover both of them. 

It didn't take long for him to lean to his right, closer to Jim, and feel the hand pull him close to hold him securely. 

The kiss on his forehead wasn't expected and Blair chuckled softly before relaxing and feeling Jim's head on his shoulder. A head that he soon placed his own against to take a well deserved rest. 

Part 3 

The heavy breathing grew and Jim paused in confusion before relaxing. 

"Chief?" 

Feeling the hand on his chest caused him to freeze and look to Blair in confusion. 

Shaking his head, Blair tapped his own ear while whispering, "turn your hearing down." 

Jim winced and exhaled to frown, "what happened? I . . ." he sighed, "what happened?" 

"Nothing," Blair sat on the couch carefully and pushed the sheet back to smile, "I think it's a good time to stop hiding." 

"Um," Jim shrugged, "I . . . don't k . . ." feeling the kiss by his ear caused him to smile, "how did you know I'd like that?" 

Blair smiled and licked Jim's ear noisily, "you were telling me." 

"Oh," Jim looked down at himself before looking to Blair, "you ok Chief?" 

Blair smiled, "tired of being by yourself yet?" 

The smile was followed by a bashful shrug, "just getting used to it." 

The sheet was pulled up for Blair to reach under and move closer to feel Jim's naked upper body. 

"I'll join you this time." 

Jim smiled, "alright," he closed his eyes before leaning to his left to receive a small kiss, "you taste great." 

Blair smiled, "be careful with your senses, you're gonna exhaust yourself." 

The nod was faint and Jim released himself to hold Blair's right leg for Blair to move further back into the couch. 

"Too quick?" 

"No," Blair smiled and matched Jim's movements while leaning closer for another kiss, "no, it's ok." he was cautious, "you sure . . . we'll be ok without seeing it?" 

Jim shrugged, "you've been letting me peek for awhile." he smiled, "I have a good idea how you like it." 

Blair was cautious, "what about you?" 

"You'll get it," Jim moved closer to smile, "how do you feel?" 

Blair received the kiss to moan, "that I like your ideas." 

"Good." Jim exhaled and reached between Blair's legs to rub below the scrotum soothingly to be given a soft moan, "told you." 

Jim's breathing gave him away and Blair nodded. 

"Yeah, I can't really . . . worry about you." 

"That's ok," Jim licked his own lips before kissing Blair's cheek and working his way down to the sweaty neck, "god, even tastes good." 

"Be careful." 

"Yeah, I know." Jim gnawed Blair's neck softly, "you can let me go, it's ok." 

The groan was of annoyance, "no, come on, this is 'mutual' you know?" 

"Later, come on, let go." 

Blair complied and leaned back as the firm but slow strokes continued. 

"You know the . . ." Jim tried to calm his own breathing as he listened, "damn . . . your hearts racing." 

Trying to smile, Blair groaned before hugging Jim as best he could. 

"What were you saying?" 

"Oh," hearing the panting by his ear, Jim smiled and reached up to cup Blair's balls carefully, "yeah, the . . . best thing about . . . being with you . . . here, now." 

Blair groaned as he spoke into Jim's collar, "yeah?" 

"Is that I know 'exactly'," Jim squeezed softly and smiled at the gasp, "what you like, and . . ." he licked his lips, "I love this." 

Blair kissed Jim's neck quickly to suck his ear. 

"I'm not complaining." 

Jim growled softly, "good," he exhaled, "did I say you were bad for my ego?" 

Nodding as best he could, Blair tried to breathe, "yeah." 

"I was wrong." Jim inhaled to smile, "god, you smell great." 

Blair grinned, "like sex?" 

The laugh was soft and Jim continued with his timid exploration. 

"I don't know about that." 

Blair was cautious, "do you think that's what turns you on?" 

The laugh was soft, "I don't think so." 

Feeling Blair tense, Jim eased back to smile in worry. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, I'm just," Blair sighed, "starting to feel self conscious." 

"Why?" Jim smiled, "those gym hours 'definitely' paid off." 

Blair's look was smug, "never said I went to any." 

Reaching up to rub Blair's chest cautiously, Jim smiled, "yeah, but . . . if you did, it worked." 

The smile took time and Blair nodded, "so . . . what is it?" 

After giving it some thought, Jim shrugged, "I think . . . what turns me on about this?" 

The nod was faint, "yeah." 

"I don't know," Jim smiled, "something about you . . . I mean," he laughed, "it's so comfortable to be around you." 

"I know what you mean." Blair moved closer to smile, "who said to stop?" 

Almost laughing, Jim nodded, "so you're happy with the results?" 

"Hell yes," Blair exhaled, "you really pay attention." 

"Especially when something interests me." Jim reached up to race the stiff shaft and smile, "how many inches?" 

The laugh was reserved and Blair continued to breathe in Jim's collar. 

"How much are you?" 

Jim smiled, "we can never trust that, everyone over exaggerates." 

"Maybe." 

Licking his lips in thought, Jim pushed the blanket back for Blair to hold it in place, "what?" 

"W . . ." Blair sighed, "not yet." 

"I want to see you." Jim shed his open shirt to toss it aside and take hold of Blair's face to be given a small kiss, "if you like it," he shrugged, "can I see you?" 

He swallowed in desperation and Blair exhaled as he nodded. 

"Yeah." 

"Ok," Jim smiled, "um," he shrugged, "would . . . nah it's ok." 

"No, what is it?" 

"Later," Jim reached under the blanket to hold Blair firmly to stroke him in a loving fashion, "you look . . ." he smiled, "really red and . . . delicious." 

Blair smiled, "glad to hear it." he was soon forced to lean back and moaned when his neck was kissed then gnawed gently, "Jim . . ." 

"What?" 

"Nothing, I . . ." Blair smiled, "whoa, you'll do anything for a friend, huh?" 

The smile became a grin, "all the time." 

Blair sat up, "what?" 

"A joke Chief," Jim sighed, "I've never done this . . . come on, relax." he smiled, "I'll make you proud." 

"I don't doubt it." 

* * *

Blair looked around anxiously before looking at the door again. Sniffing his own arm cautiously he frowned at the faintly sweet aroma and picked the book up to work reluctantly. 

The door opening and closing did little to distract him and he froze when the book was taken from him and tossed aside. 

Being pushed back forcefully while Jim took a kiss and tried to undress him caused him to moan then pause to push him up. 

"One sec." 

Breathing heavily as he pulled Blair's shirt from his trousers, Jim shrugged. 

"What?" 

"Where were you?" 

Jim snorted and unbuttoned his own collar, "what?" 

Blair shrugged, "man, I do 'not' want to have you stressing me out." he frowned, "where the hell where you?" he sighed, "we've 'always' been on time." 

The shrug was bashful as Jim opened his shirt and took it off. 

"Getting beer." 

"Oh," Blair almost laughed but paused to sit up, "what the hell was that?" 

Taking Blair's shirt off for him, Jim shrugged, "what was what?" 

"That, what just happened." Blair sighed, "I . . . I feel like I was some jealous lover." 

Jim snorted in confusion, "why would you feel like that?" he laughed and tossed the shirt aside, "we don't apply." 

Pushing Jim back, Blair gave it some thought, "maybe we didn't think about this enough." he sighed, "this . . . could probably ruin our friendship." 

Pausing to watch him in sadness, Jim shrugged, "what does that mean?" 

Blair frowned as he shrugged, "it means . . . I don't 'want' a relationship with you." 

Jim's outrage was clear, "this isn't a relationship. We already 'have' the guide sentinel relationship, this . . ." he shrugged, "I don't know what the fuck this is." he laughed, "but it's not a relationship." 

Staring at the table in thought, Blair shrugged, "maybe . . . we should take some . . . time out to," he frowned, "breathe a little." 

Trying to mask his hurt, Jim nodded, "what did I do wrong?" 

"Nothing!" Blair turned to him quickly, "look at us," he sighed, "we're here 'fighting' about . . . nothing, what the fuck." 

Jim nodded and sat back, "ok, sure," he frowned, "but . . ." his jaw clenched as he shrugged, "was just asking." 

Blair sighed, "all we do is fight." 

"No we don't," Jim sighed, "since we've been . . . doing this, no, I can honestly say that we 'never' fought." he looked to Blair while frowning, "what are you afraid of?" 

"Nothing, I'm not afraid of anything Jim, I . . ." Blair sighed, "you stopped off for some beer and trust me," he snorted, "the thought did occur to hunt you down and sever your penis from your body for standing me up." the laugh caused him to turn to Jim in hurt, "standing me 'up' at our 'home'." he extended his arms while leaning forward, "do you even 'know' how ridiculous that is?" 

Jim shrugged while giving it some thought, "I can take a few guesses." 

"Be serious with me." Blair sighed, "this is not just . . . about 'sex' it's honestly," he frowned, "getting emotional, and I don't want that emotional shit, and even you said it, we did this to 'avoid' that for one thing." 

"Listen Chief, there's no pressure, you don't want to, then you don't want to. So what?" Jim shrugged, "it's alright." he stood to walk to the kitchen, "I'm not going to force anything." 

Blair turned to him slowly, "what do you mean force anything?" 

Jim sighed as he rummaged through the paper grocery bag. 

"I . . ." he shrugged, "just thought, I don't know what I thought." he looked to him and frowned, "the body is a pretty sensitive subject, you know it's coming around to that time where . . ." he shrugged, "we move further, and," he unpacked the bag slowly, "you're afraid of that." he sighed, "and I'm gonna back off." 

Watching him for some time, Blair shrugged, "sorry." 

"About what?" Jim smiled, "from what I felt," he shrugged, "you feel pretty good. Whatever insecurities 'you' have is your problem and I don't plan to . . ." he sighed, "like you said, have a relationship with you." he frowned, "it was great while it lasted. Don't worry about it." 

Blair nodded and looked around for his book then his glasses. 

"Alright." 

"Yup," Jim sighed and left the beer at the bottom of the bag to frown, "nothing lost nothing gained.' he tried to smile, "I'm gonna go shower." 

"Yeah," Blair barely heard him, "alright." 

* * *

The bare skin passing by caused Blair to freeze then turn to watch it go. 

"Why are you naked?" 

Jim snorted, "I can't be naked in my own house?" 

"It's just," Blair shrugged, "common courtesy . . . you know." 

There wasn't a response and Blair waited for Jim to close the bathrobe before turning the TV up. 

He was sat beside and barely noticed as Jim shrugged, "a game's on, you mind?" 

"No, go ahead." 

The remote was handed over for the channel surfing to begin and Jim smiled as he found the desired program and placed the remote on the table while leaning forward. 

* * *

The bag being placed on the ground as Jim watched the TV caused Blair to glance to him. 

"What's that?" 

"Nothing," Jim barely noticed him and sat back, "just some beer." 

"You're drinking that now?" 

"Yeah," the shrug was faint, "why wouldn't I be?" 

"You're not saving it for . . ." pausing to smile, Blair nodded, "no, you're not, forgot about that." 

Jim laughed and handed him a can, "for being a sport." 

The pencil was placed in the groove of the book as Blair took the can and opened it carefully. 

"Being a sport?" 

"Yeah, being a sport." Jim watched the TV carefully then nodded, "with everything." 

Blair frowned, "I feel like some damn escort." 

Jim sighed and turned to him slowly, "listen, I'm really sorry that this is stressing you out." the frown was of sympathy, "I thought it was a good idea, I . . . just never realized . . . how much it might bother you." he frowned, "to me . . ." he tried not to smile, "it was . . . greatness, it was," he shrugged, "wonderful, from the first kiss to the last time you came on my hand." he sighed, "but . . . that's just me." he frowned, "I just thought . . . you'd feel the same way." 

Drinking while eying him, Blair tried to laugh. 

"So what? This was . . . a devious plan?" 

"You have a hard time with trust Chief," Jim sighed and turned to watch the TV again, "I think that . . . that was the nicest thing," he smiled, "that you just trusted me." 

Blair groaned, "Jim . . . I trust you, but . . ." he frowned, "I don't really know your motives." 

Jim sighed, "Blair there 'are' no motives." he turned to him slowly, "it was a thought, one that I needed," he held up the can, "beer for." he shrugged, "and I started to like during the last half." 

The frown reflect Blair's annoyance, "then why not say something about it?" 

"What do you want me to say?" Jim turned to him slowly, "you have these . . . insecurities about 'why' I'm doing this, all that shit." he frowned, "it's not like I'm setting you up Chief, it was good, you don't want to anymore," he extended his arms to shrug, "what more do you want?" he frowned, "I don't know what you're thinking in that curly little head but . . . I wish you'd tell me." he moved closer, "out of 'all' the people you should be comfortable with, it should be me." 

Blair sighed, "I'm comfortable with you." 

"Yeah right," Jim went back to watching TV, "dammit, and . . . I had this 'great' plan mapped out too." 

Drinking softly, Blair smiled, "such as?" 

"Well I know how to get over the next 'barrier' as you call it." Jim sighed, "walk around naked long enough and it won't bother you to . . . you know." 

Blair smiled, "yeah, maybe." 

"But it's ok," Jim shrugged as he brought the can to his lips and watched the TV, "it was a good plan." 

The voice was muffled by the can, "what do you plan to do now about your 'sex' problem?" 

Jim sighed, "what can I do?" he kissed his teeth as he placed his elbow on his right knee, "I'll do what any other 'insane' man would." 

Blair laughed, "which is?" 

The shrug was faint, "find a Blair look alike who I can pay to perform favors." 

The snort was heavy and Blair covered his mouth as he laughed. 

"Oh k," Blair smiled, "thanks." 

Jim drank while watching the program, "don't worry about it." 

The shrug was unseen and Blair finished the beer quickly. 

"Let me ask you something." 

"Sure, go ahead." 

Jim sighed, "was it . . . good, you know?" he frowned, "cuz . . . I at least want to think that you'll be sitting up at nights 'cursing' yourself for being 'noble'." 

After giving it some thought, Blair smiled, "it was great." he laughed, "I realized how under loved I've been." 

Jim's laughter was cut short as he drank, "good." 

* * *

Blair tapped his own chest while staring into space. 

"Jim?" 

"Hmm?" 

Blair laughed, "where are my clothes?" 

Jim groaned, "you threw them into the shower about . . ." Jim sat up to look around, "what time is it?" 

The head shake was meek, "you know . . . this reminds me of Jekyll and Hyde." 

Looking to him finally, Jim frowned, "whadoya mean?" 

"Well," Blair groaned and shivered for Jim to hold him close, "thanks," he shrugged, "like . . . the whole 'beer' thing," he laughed, "come on, it's like . . . our scapegoat." 

After giving it some thought, Jim nodded, "I 'totally' agree." he slouched forward then laughed, "what am I agreeing about again?" 

Blair laughed, "it's . . . like, our 'excuse' for . . . going further when," he yawned, "deep down, we 'want' to go further." 

"Right," Jim groaned as he hiccuped and held his head in agony, "god knows I can do without the fucking hangovers." he sighed, "if I get in late 'one' more time . . ." he sat back, "what were we talking about?" 

Trying not to laugh, Blair smiled, "oh, this is real great." he looked down when his chest was stroked, "what are you doing?" 

Jim gave him a small smile, "being Hyde." 

His hand was pushed down and Blair smiled, "you ever do anything like this?" the head shake almost caused Jim to fall over while laughing and Blair sighed, "Jim man, come on, you're not that much under." 

"I know," Jim smiled and sat up to sway, "but . . . if you shake your head 'really' quick." he demonstrated, "you feel . . ." 

Hearing the thud and looking on the ground, Blair tried not to laugh and helped him up. 

"Come on big guy, time for bed." 

"I don't want to go to bed," Jim swallowed and blinked as he looked around, "I want to have sex." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "well, real sorry." 

Jim looked to him in hurt, "was it my breath?" 

"No, no man, come on," Blair sighed and helped him to sit, "don't do that." 

"You know, I never really realized how much I 'hate' rejection." Jim frowned, "so . . . go to Chief, you can always trust Chief," he yawned and leaned back, "never mind." 

Blair sighed and watched him carefully, "it's not about you." 

The groan was of anger as Jim pushed him away. 

"Don't use that line," Jim laughed as he sat up, "hell, I 'made' that line, don't use that line, we're not breaking up cuz . . ." he stared into space and frowned, "we were never together." 

"I just don't know what this all means." 

"Who cares," Jim groaned as he turned to watch the wall, "who cares what it means, your manhood is not in the wringer Chief." Jim shrugged, "I don't feel any different and . . ." he yawned, "you shouldn't either." he smiled, "I love you." he laughed wide eyed, "god, that's weird." 

Blair sighed, "I'm just . . . starting to . . . you know, doubt." 

"Doubt what?" Jim looked to him in confusion before closing his mouth, "you know what, never mind. I mean," Jim snorted, "I . . . you know, tried this with you, you didn't want it, I can't do anything about that." 

The sigh was half hearted and Blair moved closer to be held as he buried his face into Jim's collar. 

"Honestly, what does it mean?" 

"Nothing." Jim sighed, "two people stuck together." he laughed, "trust me, if you were a woman we'd be . . . to bed and back by now." he smiled, "it's not about sexuality, just gratification." 

Blair sighed as he shrugged, "that's what it . . . seemed like at first." 

"I promise," Jim smiled, "just about gratification." he paused, "that why . . . we never choose a room to do this in?" 

The nod was half hearted, "yeah, I really think so." Blair yawned, "if we sleep in the same 'bed' then that means . . . it's more than that." 

"Yeah, maybe." Jim leaned back to pull Blair closer, "it's ok. Honest man, don't worry." 

"Yeah," Blair moved closer to closed his eyes, "sorry though." 

"Hm'hm." 

* * *

Jim shifted in discomfort and looked around before trying to get comfortable again. 

He seemed to have the house to himself and frowned before getting up and climbing the stairs. 

Checking to make sure, he undressed quickly and grumbled. 

"Damn sentinel guide hood." 

The door closing caused him to freeze in guilt. 

"Jim . . ." 

He groaned, "yeah." 

"Where are you?" 

Jim sighed, "up here." 

"Oh," Blair placed the bag down and smile, "come down here." 

"No, I'm just about to go back to my teenage years," Jim's tone was bitter, "you mind?" 

Blair laughed, "come on, get down here." 

"No," Jim groaned as he continued to undress, "a little privacy would be nice." 

After giving it some thought, Blair shrugged, "I'll give you a blowjob." 

Hearing the thud, he could only assume Jim fell while trying to pull his pants off. 

It took some time before the voice was audible again. 

"What?" 

"Come on," Blair groaned, "next step, chop chop." 

He was soon greeted with suspicion eyes as Jim held the sheet before himself. 

"What are you talking about?" 

Blair sighed, "do you want me to change my mind?" 

After giving it some thought, Jim shrugged and stared past, "honestly, no, but . . ." he became cautious, "where did this come from?" 

The shrug was half hearted, "just from today," he sighed, "we can't really go back." 

"Course we can," Jim shrugged, "after about three years, we're back to being buds again." 

The look caused him to shrug. 

"I'm serious." 

"Yeah, so am I." Blair groaned and unpacked the bag, "when I'm sitting at my desk thinking about you and rubbing my crotch," he sneered in anger, "it just might be a 'little' hint to the fact that 'no' we can't." 

After giving it some thought, Jim shrugged, "it's probably gas." 

He laughed and caught the can. 

"More beer?" 

"Hasn't failed us yet." 

Jim was cautious, "you'll bite it off." 

Chomping his teeth threateningly, Blair shrugged, "we . . . wait a little while." he smiled, "go shower." 

Jim gave it some thought, "I showered this morning." 

The glare was deadly, "listen, have you forgotten that 'I' am a guy? Just . . ." he gagged, "go . . . shower, it's a small fucking price to pay, ok?" 

Raising his right eyebrow, Jim smiled as he nodded. 

"Alright, I'll go shower." 

He handed the beer back and Blair shook his head. 

"No, keep it," Blair paused, "in fact, 'drink' it, hopefully it'll be in your system by the time you get back, hell, hopefully it'll be in mind." 

Jim frowned, "Chief you don't have to do this." 

Blair sighed and waved him along as he undressed, "just go before I change my mind, I'm doing what I want." 

There was a sigh before Jim shook his head and opened the can to comply. 

"Alright, be right back." 

"A good shower man, come on, really . . . scrub." 

Jim laughed, "alright, I heard you the first time." 

Blair sighed, "good." 

* * *

Jim dried his hair while looking around at the candles to smile. 

"What is this?" 

Blair shrugged and waited, "just to set the mood." 

Jim tried not to smile then nodded as he sat down and looked around. 

"Alright, so . . . what now?" 

"Well," Blair sighed, "I figured we'd do a refresher's course and go from there." 

"Huh?" 

Blair called him close, "kissing, touching, fondling," he shrugged, "you know, basics." 

"You got it," Jim tried to laugh, "I think." 

"Come on, it can't be hard." 

"I guess not." Jim nodded and looked around, "let's talk awhile though, I don't know why, but . . . I'd rather talk awhile." 

"Yeah, that's understandable." 

Jim looked to him in confusion, "you're not showering?" 

Blair laughed, "huh?" 

* * *

"You know, I'm a cuddler." 

Blair tried not to laugh, "stop it already." 

"Alright, just letting you know." Jim looked around while sitting on Blair's left and smiling, "you ever do this before Chief?" 

"Um," Blair smiled, "no," he laughed, "I think the closest thing was summer camp." 

Jim laughed, "oh k, do I want to know?" 

"It's no big deal." Blair laughed, "this kid . . . he . . ." he shrugged, "showed me his willy." Jim's laughter caused him to smile, "it was just . . . god awful." 

Jim smiled, "never saw you for a summer camp kinda person." 

Blair shrugged, "stranger things have happened." he sighed, "and . . . that's about it." 

"So," Jim smiled, "I'm the first guy to touch you?" 

"Duh," Blair paused while taking insult, "why does that shock you?" 

"Hey," Jim rose his hands defensively, "I never said it shocked me, I mean," he smiled, "I just like not being the only virgin on 'this' end of the stick." 

They both laughed before chortling eventually and Blair shrugged. 

"It's just funny how we . . . you know, could . . ." he smiled, "do so much and when it comes to 'you and me', we can't do it." 

Jim groaned, "never said that," he sighed, "it's . . . new, maybe we want it to last." 

Blair pointed to the table, "beer?" 

"No," Jim smiled, "it's not a good idea to have 'dicks, teeth, and beer' all in 'one' time frame." 

The laugh was soft then paused, "how would you know?" 

"I'm theorizing here Prof., come on." Jim laughed, "and remembering." 

"Remembering?" 

"Don't ask," Jim groaned, "need less to say," he sighed and bit his top lip as he shook his head, "she and I . . . never spoke after that." 

The laugh was soft, "tell me about it." 

"No, tell me about yours," Jim shrugged, "the summer camp thing," he snorted, "how the hell did you even get into a situation like that?" 

"It's not what you're thinking. I got tricked." the laugh caused Blair to give Jim a coy smile, "why is that funny?" 

"You, get tricked?" Jim grinned, "can't believe it." 

"Hey shut up." Blair smiled at the chuckle, "no, I'm serious." he sighed, "he tells me he wasn't to show me something." Jim's laughter caused him to look up, "a plant you sicko." 

"Oh," Jim smiled as he shrugged, "of course." he smiled, "which plant?" 

After giving it some thought, Blair shrugged. 

"Rhubarb." 

They both froze after it was said in union and Blair looked to him in shock. 

"How did you know?" 

Jim thought about it and laughed, "cuz I think I might have used that line on a few girls." 

"This," Blair laughed, "is sick." 

"It's childhood," Jim sighed, "it's not pretty, it's not supposed to be." he shrugged, "those fake rhubarb should be taken and banned." 

The smile was serene, "maybe." Blair laughed, "anyway, I . . . he pulls down his shorts and I just run like hell." 

Jim's laughter rose, "oh my god, I can just see you now." he stared into space while gliding his hand in the air, "jumping over those bushes to get to safety." 

It was a grumble, "you have 'no' idea." 

The laugh was soft and Jim smiled, "so that was that huh?" 

"Yeah, I'll say." Blair laughed, "rhubarb, just the word, has always . . ." he shrugged, "just . . . is there a phobia for that?" 

Jim smiled and shook his head, "don't think so Chief." 

Staring at each other for some time, Blair was the first to move closer and hold Jim's hands. 

"Come on," he smiled and took a small peck to move closer, "I want to show you something." 

Jim laughed and allowed his hands to be guided to Blair's naked waist. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah," releasing his hold, Blair took hold of Jim's face with both hands before tracing the brow wrinkled in curiosity, "you can see my rhubarb." 

Trying not to smile, Jim nodded and took a small kiss before pulling him close to look into his eyes. 

"Can I suck it too?" 

Feeling his own lips part, Blair moved closer and kissed Jim's neck to whisper by his right ear. 

"After I'm finished with yours." 

The smile was small but grew until Jim closed his eyes to his ear being sucked slowly. 

Blair's body was pushing against his own and he smiled and licked Blair's right ear before kissing his neck. His head was guided up again and he smiled before being kissed softly and pursing without haste. 

Blair's hair was pushed aside as Jim broke the kiss to kiss his way down Blair's chin and to his neck again. 

"Jim?" 

There was a small pause, "hmm?" 

Blair smiled and leaned back to shrug, "you don't have to try to . . . you know," he shrugged, "I'm not going to change my mind. I don't need convincing." 

Trying not to smile, Jim shrugged, "I wasn't trying to convince you." he exhaled and licked his lips, "your neck's my favorite spot." 

"Oh," Blair smiled and pushed him back to scratch Jim's chest slowly, "this is my favorite." 

Looking down to Blair's hands, Jim laughed. 

"What? You imagine they're real boobs?" 

Smiling as he shrugged, Blair gave him a smug look, "they're bigger than mine." his hands being slapped away caused him to laugh and he allowed himself to be pushed back. "think we should go into your room?" 

Jim shook his head while looking Blair over in complete fascination. 

"No," he smiled, "we'll . . . get to that, ok, stages." 

"Yeah," Blair received the kiss and smiled, "stages." he exhaled when his chest was stroked firmly, "god you're a good student." 

Jim shrugged, "I try." 

Jim found himself being pushed back and watched Blair in surprise. 

"What?" 

"Just," Blair smiled, "I need this, ok? For my ego." 

Jim frowned, "you said . . ." 

"Well I'm telling you now." Blair sighed, "if I'm laying there while you . . . upstage me," he smiled at the laughter, "you know, this isn't about sexuality, but . . . I need to feel like . . ." he bit his bottom lip in thought, "like I'm doing 'just' as well as you are." 

Jim smiled, "I'm doing well?" 

Exhaling as he looked at the ground, Blair snorted, "you have 'no' fucking idea." 

The smile was unmistakable and Jim allowed himself to be pushed back. 

"Good." 

"Right," Blair smiled and kissed Jim's neck, "maybe you could dial up your senses a little." 

Jim was cautious as he shrugged, "would that work?" 

"We can try later, right now," Blair smiled, "rhubarb." 

The smile grew and Jim exhaled as his body was kissed. 

"Alright, hey Chief?" 

Blair licked Jim's belly button carefully, "yeah?" 

Jim's eyes squinted, "you really didn't like the first kiss?" he laughed he was pulled closer, "is that a no?" 

"Jim." 

The smile grew, "yes sir?" 

"Shut up." 

Their laughter rose and Jim nodded as he laid back, "I had a good idea." he paused when his dick as stroked, "very good idea." 

"You're reaping the rewards already, come on, shh." 

Jim smiled and relaxed to exhale, "Chief?" 

"God, what?" 

The smile grew, "you gonna swallow?" 

After giving it some thought, Blair froze and Jim blinked when the dark hair came into his line of vision. 

"Swallow?" 

Jim helped guide Blair's head back down again, "that's another barrier." 

"Yeah," Blair nodded, "I'll say." he shrugged and kissed Jim's groin softly to smile, "god you smell great down here." 

Jim grinned, "good, I spent a 'lot' of work on that." 

"It paid off." Blair shrugged, "think you could shave it?" 

"Ha, ha smart ass. Not funny." there wasn't a response and Jim eased up onto his elbows, "you were joking, right?" 

The grin appeared before Blair disappeared from his line of vision again. 

"Barrier." 

"Hell no, not a barrier." Jim exhaled in defeat and relaxed, "you were joking, right?" 

"God, you need this, yes Jim, I was joking." Blair kissed Jim's inner left thigh and smiled, "can I continue?" 

"By all means," Jim smiled, "continue." 

The words were smug, "thank you." 

* * *

End

 


End file.
